The Doggy Horror Show
Spooky tales for and from dogs
Dogs are known for their bravery along with their undying loyalty. However, even the dog world has its share of spooky tales, myths and legends that are bound to make even the bravest dogs quake. Let’s take a look at some of these spooky tales:
The Nefarious Claw:
The Claw has terrorised generations upon generations of dogs. Many dogs claim to have seen the claw when they were very young. It is believed that when puppies sleep with full bellies, it stealthily takes them away from their mothers.
It is described as the most hideous being — shrivelled and disfigured. It looks like a paw but longer and bony, with almost no fur. The fur on the claw grows sparse yet thick and curly as if twisted by its own evil. Dogs who remember their encounter with the claw claim that it is attached to a human — a weird-looking creature that walks on two legs instead of four and is generally harmless, except when possessed by the spirit of Greed. Some accounts mention a gold coil on the claw. Its shine attracts whole litters, and the claw takes them away, one by one.
The Monsters of House:
Dogs who have lived alongside humans in a house say that the house has three main monsters — the Vakoom, the Mixer-Grinder and the Pressure Cooker.
The Pressure Cooker lives in the kitchen with the Mixer-Grinder, where they hoard a stash of food and terrorise any dog that ventures near. While the Mixer-Grinder utters a loud, guttural sound to scare dogs away, the Pressure Cooker waits in stealth, slowly building up to the shrillest scream a dog will ever hear. Like a dragon, it releases a hot, steamy breath that can burn you. To stay safe from these two monsters, stay out of the kitchen while food is being made.
The Vakoom is the most sinister of the House Monsters. You can predict when the Mixer-Grinder and Pressure Cooker will attack but can never anticipate when the Vakoom will attack. It lies waiting in boxes and cupboards and can take many shapes and forms. The Vakoom terrorises dogs not just by being loud but also by stealing food. If you see a dark presence sucking away crumbs from breakfast, know that you have been visited by The Vakoom. You can only hope it cannot find you wherever you choose to run and hide.
The (fake and real) Rumble:
The legend of the Rumble says that dogs are destined to encounter at least one prominent Rumble every year. Each Rumble comes with loud, booming sounds and bright flashes of light. Humans call these Thunderstorms. These Rumbles are so noisy that they scare many humans too. They can easily break the spell of housetraining that humans cast upon dogs living with them. It is believed that hiding under furniture can help protect dogs from the effects of the Rumble. The elders say that all dogs who survive the Rumble are given the gift of puddles and mud.
But that’s not all. According to the myth of the crackers, some humans thought they could create the Rumble on their own and made devices called firecrackers. These loud, explosive devices can create bright flashes, just like the actual Rumble, and cause tremendous distress to all the dogs they affect. It is believed that the human race was cursed for its folly of attempting to imitate the Rumble. Now, the evil spirits that leave the crackers burn the fingers of many humans and make homes in their lungs to eat them from the inside. Any human with a firecracker should not be trusted, for they are undoubtedly possessed.
The Evil Cousins of Baff:
It is believed that dogs who have enjoyed a good roll in mud and dirt should not allow humans to catch them, for if they do, they will be visited by the Evil Cousins of Baff — Shampoo and Rinse.
This sinister duo works together to rob a dog of all joy in their life. They slowly make their way into your home. Shampoo is brought home by unsuspecting humans in bottles and jars, while Rinse makes its way across the world through pipes and plumbing. They leave one smelling fresh and fruity — no self-respecting dog would ever allow that. Dogs visited by the Evil Cousins of Baff are subjected to ridicule by other dogs until the effects wear off. Zoomies help reduce the fruity effects of Shampoo and Rinse. However, for a full recovery, dogs should find the nearest source of filth to rub all over and remove any signs of the evil cousins — the stinkier, the better.
The evil cousins are somewhat easy to deal with. However, when a dog is down on luck, he may encounter them alongside a greater evil — The Dryer. The Dryer is a sinister, serpentine creature that blows hot air while making the most deafening sound. Dog mythology states that Vakoom and Dryer were brothers, cursed to a lifetime of doom. Both would make loud sounds, but while the Vakoom would suck air in, the Dryer would blow it out, maintaining balance in the nether realms. Valiant dogs have tried to fight the Dryer over decades, but only a few have succeeded.
The Ghost in the Wall:
The Ghost in the Wall is claimed to be encountered by dogs everywhere. It moves under the surface — you can only see it when it passes across a reflective surface like a mirror or glass, and it takes the form of those who look at it.
The ghost’s aim is to confuse dogs. It mimics the viewer’s behaviour — if they wag their tail, the ghost imitates it; if they bare their teeth, the ghost does that. If you go to catch it behind the glass, it hides back inside the wall. Many dogs have been known to have wasted their youth understanding or finding the ghost in the wall, yet none has succeeded. The ghost tricks them all.
Some dog communities revere the ghost in the wall. To them, the ghost is a reminder that we receive what we put out into the world — kindness for kindness, anger for anger. When dogs from these communities come across the ghost, they respectfully boop the reflective surface and walk away.
The Documents of Doom:
The Documents of Doom is an urban legend, popular, especially among pet dogs. According to the legend, if your humans receive a cursed document containing news of a transfer for more money, they are possessed by the spirit of Greed (yes, the one that made The Claw), which causes them to slowly forget all the love they had for you. Dogs of affected humans are often given to friends or family who cannot care for them or worse — found abandoned in the middle of strange places, in terrible conditions.
The Documents of Doom make humans act in terrible ways. The effects can be prevented solely if the affected humans remember the edicts of Love, Duty and Moral Obligation in time. Even in cases where it’s too late, sometimes some good sense prevails, and the humans give up the dog to responsible rescuers before fully succumbing to Greed. It betrays their own dog and takes away from another dog in need, but it’s still somewhat better than the other outcomes.
The Documents of Doom are evolving to escape detection by dogs. They can arrive in physical or electronic form. Unfortunately, once they arrive, there is very little a dog can do. Only humans can protect themselves from the effects of the Documents of Doom and the spirit of Greed.
These were just a few of the very spooky and scary tales that our dogs tell and know. Does your dog have a story that will send chills down our spine?
All the above tales/ stories are my original works, and have been written in good humor. I do not wish to offend anyone through these. If you wish to reproduce any of these stories elsewhere, kindly reach out to me at pressure.kukur@gmail.com or on Instagram via DMs (linked here).
